In the Healing the Family Systems Repatternings developed by Carin Block and based on the Family Constellation work of Bert Hellinger, Carin writes about how groups have a collective consciousness that are held together by rules both spoken and unspoken. We may belong to many groups that have rules governing our belonging. Our group may include our country, culture, social status, work group, professional group etc. When we belong to a group we benefit from its rules and we can grow. Belonging to a professional association, for example, may help me improve my skills, keep me in touch with current information, and meet new colleagues for support. But if I grow to a point where my new learning breaks the rules of my group (i.e. – innovation in a practice is not allowed) my growth may be stifled and I will live my life in a rut. If I break the groups rules I will feel awful for being excluded. In some cases individuals can feel like their survival is threatened but avoiding innovation and growing our skills will lead to certain stagnation. An inner conflict may occur that may lead to pain, self-sabotage or other limitations that now forms a non-coherent form of belonging to the group.

When the rules of the groups we belong to complement each other we have a sense of inner harmony and peace, however, if they contradict each other our inner conflicts will grow. We start to experience life as darned if we do and darned if we don’t. I imagine this is most true for supportive individuals who prefer to avoid conflict and keep peace in a group.

The price to be paid for reconciling our inner conflicts is known as systemic guilt, a form of discomfort that only fades away when we are true to ourselves and make the best choice for us. We may have to separate from the group for a while to integrate our new knowledge and balance our place in a group. We may decide this group is no longer serving our needs at any level or that there is enough room in our lives to contain our new interests and still honor our group.

I often wonder about my grandparents who emigrated from the old country after world war 1 in their early twenties. Their ancestors had not left their farming town of Mor, Hungary for over 200 hundred years. If they had remained in their community, their lives (gosh and probably mine) would continue to be impoverished and harsh. To leave meant to leave behind extended family and community with rules for being able to count on each other to survive. They took the risk to grow and many others from the town followed, realizing their fortunes would improve in other parts of the world. During the Ancestral Echoes series I became very appreciative of the choices they made and what that meant for future generations including myself. It forms an undercurrent of energy to plug into for the changes I would like to make.

Carolyn