Gosford Park (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Nature loves it’s natural order and systems of family energy are no different.  Bert Hellinger, founder of family constellation work, notes that there are a set of unspoken rules  that when maintained create family harmony and order and supports the well being of its members.  These rules are unspoken, and most of us are unaware of them as energy principles per say however, if they are not followed or are broken in a fundamental way the members of the family system will feel the many blocks and frustrations it can cause – often for generations.

One of the main principles is that of order – some may say knowing your place.    In the 2003 film Gosford Park, both below stairs and above a big deal is made of where people are to sit around the dining table.  It goes according to generation, hierarchy and importance.  In the movie, this observation of place rankles those who would just prefer to sit where they want instead of their prescribed place.  However, an inner harmony occurs especially below stairs when a correction is made to the seating.   Whether in family photographs, or a formal seating arrangement, what have you noticed when folks are placed according to generation, rank or importance?   Is it any different than when the large group are seated where they chose?

Over the past six years of offering the family constellation repatternings I have observed this basic pattern of disorder related to many problems.   While no one ever actual says “gosh my family has lost its order and I need help getting it back”  they almost always display their non-coherent internal image in how they lay out the objects selected for a constellation.    The constellation part of the repatterning reveals how we are unconsciously observing and living the disordered pattern.  For example adult children with an absent parent may picture themselves as standing beside a parent thinking they are being supportive but internally are standing in the place of the absent parent.   Taking the place of the absent parent, causes the one absent to be excluded in some way, even though they may have passed on,  the adult child may now take on their problems, pains, frustrations or attitude towards life.  It is almost as though they are wearing a coat made of of the shortfalls of the absent parent.    Other family members may see this as an ordered placement of things.  The sibling taking the parent’s place may soon find that they don’t have a life of their own, that their dreams are never supported, and they can never be truly themselves.    These types of family energy disorders bubble beneath the surface of our awareness surfacing as problems we may spend a lifetime trying to fix.

If we were to ‘see’ an positive order in our family system -what would that be?

First of all the energy flows from our ancestors to each subsequent generation like a waterfall over descending steps to the present.  It flows from grandparents to parent, to their children from oldest to youngest.   Spouses or partners stand beside each other as an internal image of place – one spouse is never higher than the other.  The children similarly are pictured in a row in front of the parents facing life and going forward with their parents at their back to support them or if very young, the children are imaged facing their parents for basic nurturance.   Genealogy pictures of several generations depicts this type of order.

Inclusion also creates order.  If there are family members who are actively excluded from the family system – their photos are removed, they are never talked about,  or the family actively declares “They are no longer one of us!”   – this also creates a disorder.  We don’t need to approve of bad actions or behavior but we cannot deny who is part of our system as it is merely a fact.   Finding ways to acknowledge the missing members of our system, may also help us to restore a feeling of internal order.

Hierarchy and Soul Weight – Images of  family in chronological order of age or generation creates hierarchical order but a type of soul weight order is created when we give more importance to those who lead the family or do something extraordinary to improve its energy.  For example an adult middle child finds a way to escape a war torn country taking his siblings, parents and grandparents.

Disorder in a family system may show up as money, relationship, health or other life issues and may also be a repeating family pattern.

Where do you need to create more order in your family system?  What feels out of order?  

   Positive Action  - If you are doing the Family Healing Tree Project with us,  use any insights from this post to add to your project.   For example, you may wish to create a page with several generation of pictures in their hierarchical order.